Monday, April 20, 2009

what bothers me

It bothers me that I can never hold any expectations for anything I do or plan. If I get involved things don't quite go the way I want them to. I don't think I will ever be able to move up in the chain in my line of work cause I am not a brown noser nor like attention brought to me. Although I tend to envy those naturally charismatic people, I always think if its worth it. I have issues with anxiety as it is, why make it worse.
An instant of plans regarding me was my 16th birthday. I just got off work and my mother informs me that she had planned to have some of my friends to come and give my a surprise birthday party. Well, it turns out that nobody could make it thus no birthday party. I wasn't surprised that it fell through. I wasn't sad cause I really didn't care.
The next big issue is my wedding. Although everything is planned and ready to go, the one thing I pictured was to be surrounded by my family and a few friends. It is my fault to have a destination wedding and current economic events don't make things any easier to people to travel. However, my family and friends all have jobs so are lucky. Not to mention i have an inherited stressor about money. I have a $3000 minimum on food and beverage I would like to cover otherwise its a waste of money. So if I can get 25 people to my wedding/reception that would cover almost half the minimum. Although i have an open house two days after that where I will see all that couldn't come to the wedding, the initial ceremony and celebration is what I imagined. Odviously Jason could care very little about how many people come. He wanted a small ceremony anyway. I just think positively about the open house and that lack of people at the wedding will be made up then.

4 comments:

  1. I think you and I are very similar. I also don't like attention drawn to myself and I can't stand brown nosers. Sometimes it makes you feel like crap though when no one notices the hard work you do because you don't go around shoving it in people's faces. And I also have issues with anxiety. AH the joys of life! The only advice I can give about your wedding is to enjoy every minute of it, because it goes really fast and then life hits you again. But the good news is I'll be coming to your wedding (well I'm not sure if that's good or bad hahaha)I've already booked a room. So I'm excited to come.

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  2. By the way, I'm really excited you're doing a blog!

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  3. Oh dear! I am so sorry I can't come! If I had known the exact date of your wedding/open house I would have made sure to come! I love ya! I will be sending you a wedding present though. I will be there in spirit!

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  4. Sorry I won't make the wedding. I'd like to be there very much but it's just not in the cards.
    I'm sure the wedding will be great and hopefully it'll be what you always imagined.

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